Rozie Ponders....

When it came to negotiating romantic relationships
and their potential outcomes...

Rozie wondered about the sizzle and the fizzle.

Did one always lead to the other?

That's My Schtick....

Or what's my schtick...
For Rozie that was the big question.

What was she on about?
What were her defining qualities?
Was it action or opinion?.
She could often pick up on someone elses schtick...
but did she know her own schtick?

Rozie Thinks About The Path of Life...

When she thought about 'getting on with it',
she wondered what stopped her really deciding on a
particular path and sticking to it.

Making an intentional claim to pursue a certain outcome...
She thought about failing, disappointment and hurt,
she wondered how she'd cope if things went 'pear shaped'.

She kept thinking 'I couldn't cope...I couldn't cope'.
But her inner voice kept saying 'how bad would it be?'
So in the end she realised that it wouldn't be the end of the world,
she'd been through plenty of difficult things
and come through them in the end.

Then her inner voice said 'clear a path'
so she pondered this... and came to wonder
if it meant something like the little creek she had just crossed...
the path being the flow of water
with lots of rocks in the middle.

She thought about the rocks,
and how too many slowed down the flow.
But also how having a few rocks made the water dance,
 splash and tumble in such a lovely way,
you really wouldn't be without a few rocks.

So as far as the path of life was concerned,
she decided to take on a bit of a challenge,
 identify a few things that blocked her path
and try to deal with them.

However recognise that some of the 'rocks'were
necessary reminders, providing some structure,
 and were important in a bigger way...
too much change too soon would be too hard for anyone.

Great Friends...

Rozie wondered about many things...
for instance

What to do with herself when the phone didn't ring...
When she'd said good bye and got a bit too mushy...
When she took out her inner turmoil (read hormonal behaviour)
on her work mates...

She thought maybe the best thing to do
is something along the lines of making a nice dinner,
 with a glass of red.
Having a long bath,
 and then consoling herself with a long conversation
with "Mother Superior", or" The Oracle" or both...

She was ever grateful for great friends.

Harmony In The Tension

Rozie wondered about.

the rhythm of life,
the highs' and lows'
the ups' and downs' and ins' and outs'...
about black and white.
paradox and contradiction.

She thought about it all and realised
 that you still want to find harmony in the tension.

Rozie Wondered...

Rozie wondered about 'The Top'...
What it really means, and who gets there etc,
 She realised that sometimes what's on the top is the cream,
and sometimes it's just the scum.
Or just lots of froth and bubble.

Facing Your Fears...

One morning Rozie realised that it was time to face her fears...
and sensibly, she decided to start with a proper breakfast.
 Sometimes it's a matter of  preparing and doing something familiar
 before leaping off into the unknown.
And besides, you won't be able to blame that funny feeling
in your tummy on hunger.

Faith, Hope and Love....

Rozie wondered about many things...

about connection,
about what it all means
and where it's all going.

In the end
she thought about it as a test of
Faith, Hope and Love...

The Audience Of One...

Soaking in a deep bath with the water over her ears,
 Rozie found she could hear lots of different sounds,
 it was like sensory deprivation and overload all at the same time.
 It was nice and warm and floaty,
 but kind of disturbing,
and her thoughts seemed kind of loud.

She wondered how comfortable she was
 with being the only member of the audience.

How your own company can be a bit intense,
 and at times hard to handle.
 

Breaking The Silence...

During the course of dinner,
her friend referred to his 5 week silent retreat
 in a monastery in the north of Thailand.
You know to 'clear the mind'
When Rozie enquired how that had gone,
there was a shrug and an interjection about
 the retreat including a certain 'ronantic rendezvous' in town.
Rozie thought of it as
' Buddhism with benefits'.

Handy Stick Face...

There were times during some conversations
 when Rozie had trouble getting the right sort of look on her face.
Mostly the trouble was when she understood things
 that she coudn't really discuss,
because the other person was hostile or in denial
or had such strong inflexible opinions.

At these times she wanted a happy, understanding
 plesant face on a stick.
So she had time to process what she was thinking
and decide on the best course of action.
Before her friend had time to say something like...
"what's that look all about?"

Just A Reminder...

Wear a smile in your heart...

Sometimes less is more, and sometimes it's not...

Rozie caught up with a dear old friend.
As the drinks and nibbles were ordered,
 she pondered on the size of the servings,
  the lack of service and the number of drinks left on the bar,
( due to their contents being undrinkable.)

The conversation was bright, exciting and intriguing.
At one point they discussed the concept of minimalism,
( in relation to architecture.)


In the end Rozie thought  how expensive it can be to have nothing.

Rozie ordered a drink, she fancied something to sip slowly,
she decided on a "Sweet Longing".
It was a mix of patience with a dash of hope,
poured slowly over ice.

Rozie wondered...

Sometimes people said things like "he was too grateful",
like it was some sort of insult or accusation.
It sounded as though the grateful person
 was going to spend all their time
 grovelling to, or sucking up to the person
who had done them some sort of kindness or favour.
A kind of  discreet division
where some people are one step down, and other people can
extend some sort of kindness and expect a lifetime of loyalty or debt.

Rozie didn't think that had much to do with gratefulness.
To her it sounded more like a class system.

Empty words...

Rozie thought about how beautiful and meaningful,
and important words can sound...
She realised that sometimes they are rather like bubbles,
all amazing and fascinating while they're floating around,
 but suddenly they go pop,
 and there's nothing there.

Rozie Wondered...

She read lots of things,
 on blogs, in books and many and various conversations.

About life and what's going on and how to get on.
Mostly it sounded confusing.

However, she found that if she listened with her heart...
to what was really going on down deep inside.

She could usually find a way to go forward
and do things that were good for her to do
and let go of a bit of the anxiety surrounding what you feel you should do.

Rozie Looks For Romance...

Looking on the Internet proved unhelpful.
The lanky American had called himself 'Glass Half Full'...
Supposedly it gives the impression of a positive outlook on life.

Rozie thought later that perhaps the name
'Maturity Half Full' was more of a realistic description.

Rozie Has A Timely Reminder...

Rozie talked to the 'Guru' about life and love,
and he reminded her that people do think differently,
 you can't assume that they think as you do or understand situations in the same way
you do...
Food for thought.

Rozie And The Languages Of Love....

She thought of words of affirmation as one of her 'love languages'.

However it all got a bit complicated when she considered that...

  Words of affirmation start with truth.

Truth starts with identifying areas of self delusion.
If you are pretending, and holding on to ideas that are false.
about what your doing,
what your motivations are
and what your behaviour is really all about.

You won't be reflecting truthfully...it won't be from the heart.

And in the end it will only bring trouble.

So it all depends on who's saying what, and if they are being truthful...

sometimes a complicated business.